As a girl that never previously had any beef or insecurities about her body, it wasn’t until, surprise surprise, I came part of the public eye, that insecurities grew about my body.
Doing predominantly style based posts, It was brought to my attention quite early on that I was made to feel different. Through no fault or malicious intention of others, but due to my size, which is around a 12 - 14, I was made to feel ‘bigger’ and ‘thick’. I was also asked quite frequently ‘how was I so body confident?’ again, a question I’d never thought about before, but it made me think that there was something ‘wrong’ with me, that required me to be OK with just being myself. I have no quarrels with being ‘bigger’ or ‘thick’, there’s nothing wrong with that, but I found it increasingly irritating, that it had to be brought to my attention quite frequently - like it really mattered.
I had been approached by organisations or by brands to talk about body confidence, again something I didn’t set out to do or be part of the content I made, but I just went along with it as I thought it’s what people wanted. I have even been approached by brands to represent their plus size ranges, which although there is nothing wrong with plus size, it would be wrong for me to represent a community that I am not part of. It would be rude and offensive to plus size ladies that the brand deems me their representative, when really I’m not.
This is all because I am what the media would deem above the normal kinda size for a model. Being in a world where predominantly, blogger gals are quite slim, if you were anything above an 6-8, it just felt that you were just put in the body confidence/ plus size box by default. Now I worry that I come across as bitter and that I have a problem with being associated with being ‘big’, thats not the problem at all, my problem is with this need to categorise everything, if you’re not in one box, you MUST be in the other.
What about us peeps that aren’t in either boxes, can’t you just let us be and enjoy being ourselves?
And this brings me to my point, the more we try to categorise and corner people, the more we try to question peoples confidence and their capabilities, the less we’re actually making being all different shapes and sizes normal. I love the body confidence movement because it helps so many people, but I also can’t wait for the day where it doesn’t have to exist because everyone feels equal and ‘normal’ with out having to use labels such as ‘plus’ or ‘bigger’ or ‘skinnier’ because if everyone felt normal, there’d be no such thing as comparison.
I’m a size 12-14, I love the way I look, but my confidence comes from within, I make myself feel happy and sexy through my body language, my charisma but also just from being happy. I try to look after myself and stay fit and healthy and I know there are times where certain aspects of our bodies do make us feel a little shitty, but at the end of the day, the fact that no body is the same, makes it normal to be different.
I don’t want to be congratulated on my body shape or size as I really am nothing spectacular, I’m normal, I’m average and I certainly have no super powers when feeling good about myself.