So I trashed my wedding dress. It’s ripped stained and FILTHY! I even found a clump of my hair round one of the pearl fastenings. My maid of honour informed me the morning after my wedding, that when she was undressing me the night before (I was too drunk to do so) it got stuck so she had to rip it off, and I didn’t even notice, just rolled around naked. You can probably imagine the kind of wedding I had just from this intro.
When you’re a bride, its far to easy to take on the roll of ‘The Bride’ like you’re in a play, you put on a dress and makeup and start being someone else. There’s this idea of a bride being this pure, graceful, elegant and somewhat ethereal being that glides around the wedding greeting guests arm in arm with her love and I totally get it. When I put my dress on, and I had my bouquet clutched in my hands, surrounded by my girls I felt like I was on duty. I felt like as the day was about me, I had to be on my best behaviour, look the best I’d ever looked and be the happiest I’d felt. I was in he spotlight, a pedestal. I needed to prove something. I felt responsible for everyone. I felt like the hostess of 120 people and it was my sole responsibility to make sure that each and everyone was having a good time and if they weren’t, that it was my fault. Dumb right? The one thing I regret about my wedding is that I didn’t let go and just be ME. I felt the need to walk around all day talking to guests and making sure they were ok. I should of only one this once, that way I’ve said my hellos and that would of then allowed me to take a seat and just take it all in, enjoy it like everyone else and be really part of it, rather than just drifting through.
It got to the point however, where the day was going by so fast that I felt a little like Sarah in the Labyrinth with only a few hours left on the clock. At that point (admittedly a little too late) I decided to drop the ‘Bride’ and get absolutely train wrecked with my friends and why not? I’d planned this party for two years, paid for it all out of my life savings and it was all about me and Maff. If anyone was going to get drunk at this party, it was going to be me.
I carried and sipped armfuls of margaritas that were passed to me by my guests, I wolfed down burritos and crepes in a mad rush before the caterers left and I rolled around the dance floor, ripping parts of my dress in the process. I walked back to my accommodation carrying the train of my dress with Ellie my maid of honour up the dirt track, then I don’t remember anymore. Maff was found sleeping in the car holding Barney our pug, before he was returned to our bed (so no, there was definitely no consummating the marriage, lol). I woke the next morning butt naked, totally confused and turned to make sure Maff was there, he was. I needed to clear away this hang over, and fast. So I got up, put some clothes on and sat by the pool – I needed fresh air.
BUT, I couldn’t help feeling guilty for getting so pissed. I had the guilt, or the booze blues. That horrible feeling of ‘what did I do?!’ ‘was I annoying?!’ ‘What did I say?!’ lingered for most of the morning until I realised that everyone else was also significantly hung over and I was told many o’ drunk tale of everyone’s night. I still felt bad for being a drunk bride, but with the encouraging words of my bridesmaids, it actually didn’t matter at all!
So lets be real here, booze aside. The wedding planning process and having the responsibility of entertaining and feeding a bunch of people is overwhelming. So there is no point of adding to the stress by having to be something you’re not. You’re having a celebration that is about you and your love. The day is entirely yours and about you and bringing everyone you love together. So no one is going to judge you for just being you (I wish I’d realised this earlier on in the day). You’re not playing a role, meeting expectations and you’re not slotting into bride mode. You are you, in a pretty dress, with banging makeup and you’re about to marry your lover and then celebrate it with all the best people. That’s all it is. If you want to sit at a table all day and wait for people to come to you, do it, people are just as capable as you are of saying hello. If you want to party with your best friends like you’re 18 again, then do it, its probably rare these days to have all your friends in one place. If you decide break dancing is totally your new fave thing, then breakdance and rip and spill things in the process.
Its your day, there are no rules on how you should behave. Ignore any social norms, or what your great aunt Sal might say. Its your day and you’re going to be the coolest, most carefree and badass bride that ever walked down the aisle.